Last night, I called him just to say hi. During the conversation, he lowered his voice and said, “The next time you talk to [my wife], could you please tell her how important it is for a wife to help keep track of the family’s finances? She called her friend in Japan (his wife is Japanese) and talked for over an hour at 25 cents a minute.”
My first reaction was, “She’s lonely. She just moved away from her mother and her friends in her native country (they just moved from Japan to San Diego last month). Give her a break.” But he was REALLY mad about it.
I’m definitely one to understand about tight finances, and I offered her my calling card, which I never use, but he didn’t like that. So what would YOU do? Would you honor your brother’s request and try to bring it up somehow or would you just ignore it or would you come up with your own solution and offer it?
Thank you for your great (and kind) answers.
Answer by Alissa
I’d tell him to talk to her about it in a loving way.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Apparently he loves to complain, rather than become a problem solver.
If he has issues with his wife, and does not possess the language to open a conversation to begin to solve these without rage or resentment, then he and she need a session or two in counseling to acquire that language.
There is a whole lot of difference between, “Goddamn it Doris, this house is always a mess. All you do is sit around and………. yadydyadyayda….”
and
“I’m thinking there must be a way we can divide up all the chores around here so that we each get time to do the things we want.”
In the first, it is all her fault, in the second, it is a shared problem with each claiming a part of its solution.
Big difference.
Hon, you brother and his wife need some counseling, not the litany of everything being her fault.
Tell him so, and that you no longer wish to be his “wailing wall”.
Since when is it a woman’s job to look after the family finances?
This is a conversation your brother should be having with his wife, not you.
A $ 15 long distance bill is a drop in the bucket.
I’d stay out of it. He is a grown up and needs to face his own problems. I’d also tell him that he is only going to slag on his wife to you and not talk about anything else, not to bother talking to you.
The ONLY person I would be giving advice to would be my brother. If he has an issue with his wife, HE need to bring it up with his wife, and THEY need to resolve it. It’s not your place to be telling her how to run her family finances.
If his wife is so bad, how come he’s married to her? He needs to grow up and take control of his life; the more time he spends complaining to other people, the less time he has to actually solve the problem. If he’s worried about the phone bill, they can look into getting cheap calling cards or using Skype or other similar service. Every problem can be tackled constructively.
It really sounds like they are having marriage problems. I think they need counseling and prayer more than anything.